


for someone to have fans its great but not always

by niosism



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Timelines, Crossing Timelines, Depression, Earth C (Homestuck), Gen, M/M, Not Canon Compliant - The Homestuck Epilogues, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Timeline Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26474122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niosism/pseuds/niosism
Summary: You may be a disaster with kids, but you’re even worse with fans.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 6
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I dreamed this into existence.

You find yourself in a different timeline. You don’t know exactly how it happens or why you do it, but when you adjust your eyes to the familiar but extadimensional world around you, you know something feels different. The air is not the same; there is a certain heaviness to it. On the other hand, you realize by your surroundings that you are in the Troll Kingdom. You would know that much; back in your timeline, this is where you live. You wonder if it is any different in this one, if your home is the same. You get your answer just as soon as you get there when two troll children, small enough to have recently had their grub legs fall off, abruptly stop playing on the street across from you when they see you. They rapidly make their way to you, the bigger one of them holding onto a green bouncy ball.  


TROLL CHILD 1: excus_e m_e sir are you th_e cr_eator of this plan_et  


You look at the kid like they’re insane because you’re still not used to being called that, but fair enough, you guess. Either way, it’s a good idea not to expose yourself too much. Shit, you forgot about that.  


DAVE: what no of course not  


Maybe you should have shut up after “what no.” That definitely sounded suspicious.  


TROLL CHILD 2: You look like HIM!  
TROLL CHILD 2: What was his NAME?  
TROLL CHILD 2: He has sunglasses like YOURS.  
TROLL CHILD 1: and hair  
TROLL CHILD 2: And color SCHEME.  
TROLL CHILD 1: ar_e you sur_e your_e not him  


Haha, kids, you think. They say the darndest things.  


DAVE: im not dave  
DAVE: shit  
DAVE: i mean  
DAVE: ah beans  


Now the kids look at you like YOU’RE insane.  


TROLL CHILD 1: its okay mist_er you can say shit  
TROLL CHILD 2: Yeah don’t worry about IT.  
TROLL CHILD 2: Our parents say shit all the TIME.  


You say chuckle for some reason and say “okay” because you really don’t want to be doing this right now. All your friends know you’re a disaster with kids, and Rose, as always, says she’s got it figured out. You don’t ask her because you don’t care (you don’t want any trauma coming up to the surface). You start to walk away from the children but they follow you. Fuck.  


TROLL CHILD 1: im f_erris and this is my broth_er vilius  
VILIUS: Hi.  
DAVE: hey kids anybody ever tell you not to talk to strangers  
DAVE: kinda dicey dont you think  
VILIUS: I’ve never heard that one BEFORE.  
FERRIS: w_ev_e h_eard pl_enty of nagging but nothing lik_e that  


You’re thrown in for a loop there. Sometimes you forget this is not the old Earth you grew up in and crime rates are fairly low, especially when it comes to places as homogenous as this, however-  


FERRIS: actually now that i think about it  
FERRIS: som_e advertis_em_ents on tv mak_e humans look bad  


Woah, really? It definitely was not like that back in your timeline. You wonder what happened.  


VILIUS: Are you BAD?  


You have no idea how to answer that.  


FERRIS: th_e cr_eators ar_e gods who cr_eated th_e e_arth c  
FERRIS: th_eyr_e not bad  
DAVE: sorry to burst your bubble kid but im not who you think i am  
VILIUS: We think you ARE.  
DAVE: uhh  
DAVE: so what if i am  
VILIUS: REALLY?  
DAVE: no  


Why is the air so heavy here? It’s suffocating. You try to walk a little faster, but the kids are right behind you.  


FERRIS: sir strud_el it is a hug_e honor to m_e_et you  
VILIUS: We are big FANS!  


Are kids always this pushy? You don’t know how many times you can keep saying you’re not The Dave Strudel- Strider.  


DAVE: thats nice  
DAVE: for someone to have fans  
DAVE: its great i guess  
DAVE: well not always  


You are sweating.  


DAVE: its strider btw  
DAVE: not that i dont like strudels  
DAVE: theyre great  
DAVE: the apple ones are the best  
DAVE: with whipped cream and ice cream  
DAVE: chefs kiss  
DAVE: hey one of yall know where the closest strudel place is around here im itching for some applegrub strudel or whatever the fuck its called  
DAVE: they just add grub to like every goddam meal on the menu  
DAVE: i just point and say hey this is the one thatll quench my sweet tooth for the next week or an eternity if im lucky  
DAVE: and usually theyll take a look at my handsome shades and say  
DAVE: oh shit its h  
DAVE: its uh  
DAVE: its not  
DAVE: im not  


You may be a disaster with kids, but you’re even worse with fans.  


DAVE: im an impersonator  
DAVE: for dave uh  
DAVE: strider  


Ferris and Vilius stop walking for a second like they’re not sure what to do with the amount of words they’ve just heard from their idol, or simply the way he so easily embarrassed himself in front of two kids, as if second nature.  


You want to keep going and not look back, but something makes you stop too.  


DAVE: you good  
VILIUS: That is so COOL!  
DAVE: wait what  
VILIUS: You’re so COOL!  
DAVE: i  
DAVE: thanks  
DAVE: why  
FERRIS: you sound exactly like sir strud_el  
DAVE: strider  
FERRIS: sorry you w_er_e talking about appl_egrub strud_el for a whil_e  
VILIUS: STRIDER  
DAVE: what  
DAVE: i mean shit  
DAVE: my name is uh  
DAVE: jeff harley  
DAVE: harvey  
DAVE: jeff harvey  
VILIUS: Can we call you DAVE?  
DAVE: no  
DAVE: sorry i already get mistaken enough as it is  
FERRIS: y_eah vilius thats not polit_e  
DAVE: thanks  
FERRIS: its sir dav_e strid_er  


You sigh. There is no way around this.  


DAVE: i need to go  
VILIUS: WAIT!  


You stop again. What the hell is keeping you so tethered? Is it the way this limeblood troll child is looking at you with big dewy eyes, his face a light shade of green, his hands bundled together in front of his chest?  


Oh no.  


VILIUS: p-please don’t go we missed YOU!!!  
VILIUS: t-the god of t-time left us and never c-came BACK.  
VILIUS: s-sweeps ago h-he-  
FERRIS: . . .  


You whisper “shit” under your breath as this kid completely loses it in the middle of the street. His sibling comes and wraps his small child's arms around him in a way that reminds you of how Karkat holds you sometimes. It is such a raw and public display of emotion that the marbles you’ve been trying to hold inside of yourself completely roll out of your grasp and down the street, and there is no way for you to run after them. Not with these kids in front of you.  


DAVE: hey vilius  
DAVE: whats wrong  
DAVE: do you  
DAVE: what happened  


Vilius has his face hidden on Ferris’ chest. You can tell he is trying to keep any sounds from coming out of his small, but intensely rigid body. He doesn’t move.  


DAVE: dont cry on me i promise i wont go anywhere  


You don’t say “until you calm down”, and it’s a good thing too, because Vilius separates himself from Ferris and wipes his face on his sleeves. He hiccups, his nubby horns suddenly striking a sense of familiarity.  


VILIUS: REALLY?  


You say “yes” because there is nothing else to say.  


FERRIS: vilius is your bigg_est fan sir  
FERRIS: w_e hav_e your dolls in our r_espit_eblock  
FERRIS: you and th_e oth_er gods i m_ean  
FERRIS: but you ar_e vilius favorit_e  


You want to say you’re not a god, but you don’t want to ruin what dreams these kids have. Maybe, you reconsider, it’s okay for them to think you are who you are, but greater, because it’s not like you can get in trouble for it, like opening up a paradox that ruins this timeline.  


DAVE: oh hahaha wow thats mm  


You’ve had your share of adults praising you and your friends for creating this planet, but this is the first time you have allowed yourself to deal with children on this subject, or maybe even at all. And it’s… sweet.  


DAVE: ok yeah thats me dave strider god of time  
DAVE: i am here ready to appreciate some kids for being such awesome fans  
DAVE: seriously  
DAVE: i dont deserve this  
DAVE: hey buddy im sorry for  
DAVE: whatever it was that i did in this timeline  
DAVE: forget i said that  
DAVE: what i mean is i appreciate the shit outta you both  


Something starts to tug at your brain but you wave it away. You are trying your best. It is so hard to appeal to children. How are you supposed to act? You simply put on your best face and try to be more gentle and… affectionate? You’re surprised it’s easier than you thought it would be considering how there is no way you could do, or feel this way about any adult, fan or not. It’s like the moment they approached you your brain short circuited and only now it is beginning to regain its composure.  


You don’t know what to do with yourself when Vilius starts crying again, harder this time, and tackles you in a hug. So instead, your body reacts before your brain can process the situation and choose an action, and your arms wrap around the boy’s small torso as naturally as your instinct to hug Dirk had been long ago, or maybe something else, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. It is even more natural than that.  


This boy cries on you like that, staining your shirt wet with tears and not giving a single fuck, as he should, because you are totally fine with it? For whatever strange reason, you are fine with it. It may be a little awkward, but it doesn’t compare to the awkwardness you felt when dealing with people your age. You quickly realize that young people, young trolls, do not yet have the judgments in their pure hearts as the rest of the world does. You curse yourself for having forgotten that as a child. It hurts to think of those times, and maybe, just maybe, this is why you’ve kept your distance for so long. You hate seeing children cry. It reminds you of yourself.  


DAVE: its ok lil man  
DAVE: shoosh  


You try to do that thing you’ve seen Karkat do so often before, with you and others, to comfort them. It does work on you too even if it seems to have some kind of instinctual effect on trolls. You’ve seen him do it to Kanaya before. You’re not a troll, but you hope you can do this kid justice.  


Ferris looks at the scene in front of them with wide eyes, looking like they want to join in. Vilius purrs as you gently pat their cheeks, essentially holding his face in your hands. The hesitancy that was once there is nowhere to be felt at this point. You glance over at Ferris with a look that apparently was inviting enough, because they take a few steps closer to the both of you and places their arms around their brother’s back, in a way that makes it seem like you are holding them both. Ferris places their head against Vilius’ neck, and Vilius hides his face in your shirt, which is now soaked through in a dark green. You stand like that for a few seconds, and for a small eternity you are just a man comforting two children with your bare hands, and you feel completely and utterly shattered.  


After a while, Vilius stops shaking and peeks his head up to look at you. He hiccups again. You look down at him and want to cry yourself. He can see your deep red eyes at this angle, and you are fine with that, too. Ferris lets go and steps back. You place a sideways fist against your chin to try composing yourself when Vilius smiles at you. This is the first time you’ve experienced such raw and unconditional innocence. Something in you breaks. You smile back at him and pat his head, careful not to touch his tiny horns. Your voice fails you.  


FERRIS: wh_er_e did you l_earn to shoosh pap?  
VILIUS: His matesprit-slash-husband is a troll GOD.  
FERRIS: oh right karkat  
VILIUS: Yeah, KARKAT.  
DAVE: wait what no im not-  
FERRIS: y_eah you ar_e w_e saw pictur_es of your w_edding on tv  


You married Karkat in this timeline. Something deep inside you throbs. Your “PUSHER”, as he would say. You’re trying really hard not to think about it too much lest it cloud your thinking.  


DAVE: dam kid you know some shit  
DAVE: how long ago was the wedding  
FERRIS: you dont r_em_emb_er your own w_edding?  
DAVE: . . .  
FERRIS: . . .  
FERRIS: it was wh_en w_e w_er_e still wiggl_ers  
FERRIS: i r_em_emb_er b_ecause my m_emory is infallibl_e  
VILIUS: I DON’T.  


You figured playing along is your best bet.  


DAVE: oh yeah hahaha of course i remember  
DAVE: i was just messing with you two  
VILIUS: You’re so FUNNY, STRIDER.  
VILIUS: DAVE-SIR.  
VILIUS: UM.  
VILIUS: What’s your LAST-NAME?  
DAVE: you just said it  
VILIUS: No, your other ONE.  
FERRIS: h_e m_eans karkats last nam_e  
DAVE: oh  
DAVE: its uh  
DAVE: vantas  
VILIUS: Sir Dave STRIDER-VANTAS.  
DAVE: you dont need to call me that  
DAVE: its ok  
VILIUS: WHY.  
DAVE: because  
DAVE: uh  
DAVE: actually nevermind  
VILIUS: I love GOD.  
DAVE: you love god  
VILIUS: YES.  
VILIUS: I love GODS.  
DAVE: oh hahaha thanks  
DAVE: anyway can we dial it back a bit i need some context  
DAVE: i feel like i just woke up from a long coma and my head is all fuzzy like i just woke up from the night after my wedding  
DAVE: mind as white as a canvas thats never been touched by anybody  
DAVE: its virgin pure  
FERRIS: your_e a canvas thats n_ev_er b_e_en touch_ed?  
DAVE: no uh forget i said that jesus  
VILIUS: What’s a VIRGIN?  
DAVE: nothing you never heard any of that christ  
DAVE: point is can either of you tell me what happened to me  
DAVE: like vilius why did you freak out when i said i was leaving  
VILIUS: UM.  


Vilius looks to Ferris hesitantly, as if he is afraid saying anything will take his hero away from him again.  


FERRIS: as vilius m_ention_ed earli_er  
FERRIS: you kind of disapp_ear_ed off th_e fac_e of earth c lik_e half a sw_e_ep ago  
FERRIS: nobody knows what happ_en_ed  
FERRIS: on_e day you w_er_e doing som_e pr_esid_ential campaign crap with karkat  
FERRIS: and th_e n_ext you just  
FERRIS: poof gon_e with th_e wind  
FERRIS: w_e had a public fun_eral for you  
FERRIS: ev_eryon_e thought you w_er_e d_ead  
FERRIS: but w_e both kn_ew you w_er_e out th_er_e som_ewh_er_e  
FERRIS: and w_e w_er_e right >>:D  
VILIUS: (:B  


You take a moment to process all that. What the fuck? You would never drop everything and leave everyone, not with so much shit to be done. You would never leave your friends, or your… boyfriend. This is all really fucked up. What were you thinking?  


DAVE: i  
DAVE: im so sorry  
DAVE: i wont  
DAVE: i wont be gone forever i swear on all the gods in all the worlds including myself  
DAVE: whenever you need me i will be  
DAVE: somewhere within reach  
DAVE: but can you promise me something  
VILIUS: YES!  
FERRIS: of cours_e  


You take a good, long look at these two kids you’ve befriended at the most inconvenient time and you wish them the best the universe has to offer with all that you are, and it’s super fucking wild. But you really mean it. They deserve to have hopes and dreams.  


DAVE: one day i will come back  
DAVE: never stop believing  


They both smile so wide you think their faces might fall off, but then they are throwing themselves at you again, and you hug them like you’ve never hugged anybody in your entire immortal life, because they deserve it.  


DAVE: i love you guys  


And then you’re gone.  


When Vilius and Ferris come to, they run to Dave Strider-Vantas’ hive and knock on the door.  


KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK-  
VILIUS: We saw HIM!  
FERRIS: Your mat_esprit is ALIV_E  



	2. YOU COME KNOCKING AT MY HIVE TO BOTHER ME SO INSISTENTLY THAT YOU MAKE ME STOP MY PRECIOUS DAILY ROUTINE TO CATER TO THE NOTORIOUSLY JUVENILE WHIMS OF SOME UNABASHED WIGGLERS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter jumps from third person to second person POV. Please let me know if it is annoying.

Karkat Strider-Vantas is quite literally ogling some human poledancer’s ass on the screen of his old tv set (which just means it’s the only one he’s had since he got to this planet over a decade ago) when a fast rapping snaps his attention away. He considers it for a moment, then promptly ignores it as he usually does when random entitled rich kids decide it’s a good idea to compete for the attention of “sir KARKAT” while having the audacity to simultaneously scream his name to his face. It is not hypocritical of him to be annoyed by it. He has learned to dial down his own volume over the years, especially since...  


Karkat glances back to the tv. He has inched himself closer than he had been to it this morning as a treat to his tired eyes; gotta absorb as much voluptuous ass as possible to ignore the rumbling in his midsection. The dim glare of the screen makes his face glow amidst the darkness that is inside the hive. All the blinds are closed as per habit, even before... This is how he spends his days now; barely ever going outside, not that he did much before, but now it’s even worse. His neighbors will never catch him outside anytime of day any day of the week, and they are lucky if he even steps out during the nighttime at all. Karkat was never one to go outside anyway, especially not in bloodthirsty Alternia, but at least back then he had a good reason not to. Now he just feels like a widowed loser. Old habits die hard.

He is about to hoist his blanket up higher and tug at the seams of his shirt when the rapping comes to trouble him with its presence again. His ears twitch in mild annoyance, but he doesn’t move. It takes three hard knocking instances for Karkat to finally untangle himself from the blanket, nearly falling in his face when he steps on it accidentally, and kicks it away from him. He makes his way to the entrance and unceremoniously opens the door.

KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK-  
VILIUS: We saw HIM!  
FERRIS: Your mat_esprit is ALIV_E  


Karkat’s pusher immediately accelerates without his consent at the awfully arbitrary words of these two kids he has often had to come into contact with due to their...insistent fanaticism.  


You're not about to put up with shit today.  


KARKAT: FIRST OF ALL, WHAT THE FUCK.  
KARKAT: SECOND OF ALL, YOU COME KNOCKING AT MY HIVE TO BOTHER ME SO INSISTENTLY THAT YOU MAKE ME STOP MY PRECIOUS DAILY ROUTINE TO CATER TO THE NOTORIOUSLY JUVENILE WHIMS OF SOME UNABASHED WIGGLERS AND THINK THAT IT’S FUNNY TO WHAT  
KARKAT: LIE TO ME THAT MY FUCKING DEAD HUMAN MATESPRIT IS ACTUALLY ALIVE AND WITHIN REACH!  
KARKAT: I DON’T CARE HOW OLD YOU ARE.  
KARKAT: FUCK YOU WIGGLERS.  


Vilius and Ferris have gone quiet in sheer astonishment. They’ve never seen someone so angry before. Even when Karkat would complain about them knocking on the door some other day, it was never this...genuine. Vilius remains dejected as Karkat scowls and starts closing the door, but Ferris steps in and pushes it back open, much to Karkat’s utter horror.  


KARKAT: HOLY SHIT!  
FERRIS: list_en!!  
FERRIS: its tru_e pl_eas_e b_eli_ev_e us!  
FERRIS: w_e saw him and talk_ed to him and h_e promis_ed h_e would com_e back-  
KARKAT: I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR FAIRY TALES, FUCKER, LEAVE ME ALONE.  


When Karkat tries to close the door again, Ferris doesn’t have the courage to stop him again.  


FERRIS: WAIT!  


The door slams.  


Karkat stands there for a moment, breathing heavily, his day completely ruined, and he mumbles, “FUCK THOSE WIGGLERS”. He looks at his hands that are shaking, and thanks troll jegus for having the ounce of self control it took to hold himself back from breaking down in front of those children at the simple mention of...  


Pathetic.  


He goes into the nearest ablutionroom and turns on the faucet. The water runs for a few seconds before Karkat remembers to place his hands under the running water. FUCK THOSE... His hands stop and rest on the counter for a second before he dries them, not bothering to look at himself in the mirror. He must look like a proper apebeast at this point. He hasn’t brushed his hair for a while now. Half of it stands up on end as if he’d been shocked by electricity, and if he were to run his fingers through it, it would get stuck in the curls, or rather, dreads at this point. You’ll get rid of them soon. They remind you of him.  


Maybe if you eat your entire recuperacoon you’ll be able to sleep tonight.  


\-------  


When you wake up, you wish you were dead. Your head aches. You lay motionless in your cocoon. There is a bad taste in your mouth, and your mind may be fuzzy but you know it to be sopor slime. Long ago, when you were a teen trying to survive a bloodthirsty multidimensional game, you had sworn you’d never consume any “substances”, but now you feel well over a hundred and your past feels like a dream. It doesn’t matter. You are glad you aren’t immortal like the rest of your friends.  


An hour passes before you can roll yourself out of bed. You feel like a bug as you lay there on the cold hardwood floor, covered in the essence of green serotonin. When you get up, your head goes for a spin. You force yourself in the ablutiontrap, and then, still dripping wet, you grab some scissors and snip away at your curls. When you are done, you look at yourself in the mirror and laugh at how wounded you look, like someone stabbed a knife in your gut and you can’t do anything but laugh until you bleed to death, crimson staining the earth just like it should have been from the start.  


Okay, you’re sick of being so melodramatic.  


You think of the dream you had, where two troll kids knocked on your door and told you some good news. It was a good dream, but it hurts when you think about it, so...Wait. That actually happened. Vilisus and Ferris Weeler, was it? They told you your dead matesprit was alive.  


KARKAT: I’M A FUCKING IDIOT.  


You force yourself out the door and immediately regret it. This sun is pathetic compared to the one in Alternia, but still, you hate it. You consider going back inside-  


FERRIS: SIR  
KARKAT: FOR THE LOVE OF TROLL JEGUS WHAT NOW.  


Ferris recoils considerably once they remember how you reacted yesterday. You decide to let the kid speak, because, FUCK ME IF I AINT A DESPERATE NOOKSUCKER.  


KARKAT: ALRIGHT, LISTEN.  
KARKAT: I MAY HAVE OVERREACTED YESTERDAY AND I APOLOGIZE FOR MY NOOK WHIFFER CHIMP BRAIN AS OF LATE.  
KARKAT: JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT THAT WAS THAT POSSESSED YOU TO HIT ME DIRECTLY IN THE FACE WITH AN UNGODLY AMOUNT OF MOUTHFARTS LAST TIME I SAW YOU.  
KARKAT: I NEED SOME STRAIGHTFORWARD ANSWERS.  
KARKAT: NO BOGUS WITTED MADE UP SHIT SHOWS YOU HEAR ME, FERRIS WEELER.  
FERRIS: i um  
FERRIS: my nam_e is f_erris adalov and this is my broth_er-  
KARKAT: VILIVUS, YES, THANK YOU.  
FERRIS: vilius  
KARKAT: WHAT  
FERRIS: his nam_e is-  
KARKAT: I DON’T CARE WHAT HIS NAME IS.  
KARKAT: WHY WERE THOSE WORDS COMING OUT OF YOUR MEHAL TUNNEL.  
FERRIS: my what  
KARKAT: YOUR MOUTH, WIGGLER.  
VILIUS: Sir Dave Strider-Vantas is ALIVE!  


Karkat takes a moment to process those words like he didn’t just spend over 24 hours broken by them.  


KARKAT: THAT DOESN’T ANSWER MY QUESTION.  
KARKAT: WHERE-  
KARKAT: HOW-  
KARKAT: WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT.  
KARKAT: FUCK, WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT!  


Karkat automatically starts to step backwards into his hive, but stops himself, as well as his tears when he feels them welling up behind his eyes. He’s always thought Dave’s shades were stupid, but maybe he understands the use of them now. He wishes he had something to hide behind.  


Vilius, sensing his idol’s pain as if magic, approaches him slower than he had Dave, but approaches him nonetheless, and when Karkat doesn’t push him away, the boy holds his arm and presses his small body against Karkat.  


And the cycle comes full circle.  


There is a bizarre moment where Karkat is just frozen on the spot. But he has had enough of awkward physicality for a lifetime, so he forces himself to relax when he feels himself lingering. His eyebrows may be drawn at a sharp angle, but his hand comes up to settle on top of this troll boy's hair. It is fluffy and shiny, so much unlike your own that you start wishing you took better care of your hair, and yourself in general. This has been going on for far too long, you think, as you settle comfortably into this incredibly farfetched moment with some kid you barely know but that has done you an immense favor.  


Karkat, unbeknownst of his pain, tries to soothe Vilius instead, patting his head between his horns. He only then realizes the striking resemblance Vilius has to his younger self, and wonders if this is how he would be if he had been raised differently, if he hadn’t been born with a mutation.  


Why are kids so fucking PURE?  


KARKAT: I’M FINE.  


Ferris looks at him like he doesn’t believe that, but there is nothing Karkat can say. Vilius unsticks himself from him.  


KARKAT: I’M LISTENING.  


Vilius gets a hold of Karkat’s hand. Karkat tries not to let it affect him. cmon man let me hold your fucking hand  


Okay, ouch? What the fuck was that.  


FERRIS: w_e ar_e t_elling you b_ecaus_e w_e think youd b_e int_er_est_ed to know about it i m_ean  
FERRIS: w_e saw AND talk_ed to him  
VILIUS: Yeah, he didn’t know your wedding date, it was a little WEIRD.  
KARKAT: HE-  
KARKAT: ...  
KARKAT: WHAT DID YOU TALK ABOUT.  
KARKAT: WAS THERE ANYTHING ELSE HE DIDN’T KNOW.  
VILIUS: He pretended that he was someone ELSE!  
FERRIS: but it was obvious it was him  
VILIUS: He is a very BAD liar, did you know that, SIR?  
KARKAT: YE- OF COURSE I KNOW THAT, CHRIST.  
FERRIS: h_e talk_ed about appl_egrub strud_el  
KARKAT: WHAT  
KARKAT: WHY.  
FERRIS: h_e was looking for a plac_e  
FERRIS: I hop_e h_e found on_e  
FERRIS: w_e should’v_e tak_en him th_er_e! >>:(  
VILIUS: YEAH ):B  
KARKAT: ARE YOU FUCKING WITH ME?  
KARKAT: I HOPE YOU’RE AWARE OF THE CONSEQUENCES OF BLUFFING TO A GOD.  
FERRIS: no w_e would n_ev_er li_e to you sir w_e lov_e you  


Love is a strong word. It makes Karkat feel vulnerable.  


VILIUS: We have your dolls on our RESPITEBLOCK!  


Karkat doesn’t know how to react. He hasn’t had much direct experience with small fans.  


FERRIS: he said not to call him his last name  
KARKAT: STRIDER?  
FERRIS: strid_er-vantas  
KARKAT: HUH.  
VILIUS: What’s a VIRGIN?  
KARKAT: FUCK, DID THAT IDIOT SAY THINGS HE SHOULDN’T HAVE.  
KARKAT: OF COURSE HE DID, RAMBLING BASTARD.  
FERRIS: w_e told him what happ_en_ed to him b_ecaus_e h_e said his h_ead was fuzzy and h_e couldnt r_em_emb_er  
KARKAT: WHERE IS HE NOW?  
FERRIS: w_e dont know  
VILIUS: He DISAPPEARED!  


You’re a dumbass, so instead of concluding that Dave came from a different timeline, you decide that he must’ve forgotten his memories and is now wandering Earth c, lost and confused. You completely fail to consider how you saw his lifeless body at his funeral. It goes over your head in favor of hope.  


You dig through your pockets and find boiled tree blood flavored candy. Your days of bribing are over, but you can at least thank these charming kids with some sugar.  


KARKAT: FOR YOUR EFFORT EVEN THOUGH YOU LET HIM FUCKING LEAVE.  
KARKAT: FUCK, WHY DID YOU LET HIM LEAVE.  
FERRIS: thank you sir  
VILIUS: WOW!!  
FERRIS: and w_er_e sorry w_e tri_ed to stop him  
KARKAT: THAT FUCKING BULGE RIDER.  
VILIUS: What's a bulge RIDER?  
KARKAT: NOTHING.  
KARKAT: I AM GOING TO SHUT THE FUCK UP.  
KARKAT: IF I NEED YOU AGAIN FOR DETAILS I WILL GO TO THE ADASOV HIVE.  
FERRIS: adalov  
KARKAT: YES, THANK YOU!  
VILIUS: How do you know where we LIVE?  
KARKAT: I DON’T BUT AS I SAID, I AM A GOD, AND GODS CAN GET ANYTHING THEY WANT, INCLUDING THE HIVE ADDRESSES OF LITTLE TROLL CHILDREN, WHENEVER THEY FUCKING PLEASE.  
FERRIS: that sounds cr_e_epy  
KARKAT: FUCK, LET’S PRETEND I NEVER SAID THAT.  


When the kids wave and go on their merry way, you take out your palmhusk and furiously type in numbers.  


KANAYA: Hello Karkat  
KARKAT: KANAYA WE HAVE A SITUATION.


End file.
